Friday, January 7, 2011

Episode 43 Pretty Young Equals

Episode 43 Pretty Young Equals

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Hello and welcome to another fine episode of Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals.

I got so excited about having THREE new bumpers, I had to play them all, I couldn't wait.

If you're an Abolitionist Vegan, I'd love to have an intro bumper from you, please get in touch, j a y w o n t d a r t  The rest of the world really needs to close the Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals Bumper gap, how Canadians seem to make up a large percentage of my intros.  Just so long as we all recognize Glorious Nation of New Zealand as having the most Animal Rights podcasts per cubic centimeter, ok?

Elizabeths last episode of NZ Vegan Podcast was interesting, I wont distort what she said, like I'd ever do that, many other New Zealand Vegans have many other…different…. ideas about what is an isn't "natural".

For example, according to some of the others here, did you know that Genetic Engineering is "not natural", and is, in fact, quote "evil", but on the other hand, Unicorns and healing gem stones ARE "natural"? 

Elizabeth may not have caught that particular strain of Vegan-i-cus Pseudo epho-science, but rest assure we'll be monitoring her condition.  It would be quite interesting for the two of us to have a debate, some of us wouldn't want to live without our touchscreen pieces of glass and stainless steel, crappy reception and all.  Actually, the whole North Island of New Zealand seems to be rather backwar…….uh, not into scientific development for quote "non essential" endnote tech, you should see the problems we have with Skype, those poor Aucklanders always drop out, and some of them cant even have a web browser open while talking!  I always imagine sending them an iPad, it would be just like in the opening of 2001: A Space Odyssey, with those Northern Ape Savages bashing their hunks of bone against the sleek black Apple designed tablet, that apparently fell from the sky.  Like in the movie, evolution would instantly leap forward.

Heres a nice long clip from 2001's sequel, 2010: Odyssey Two.  The unwashed heathens can skip past 1982's account of living in the year 2010, but rest assured, when they want to stay on this precious ball of dirt, while the rest of us fly into space, deal with a murderous computer, then take an *cough* i *cough*   Pod flight to a black, star filled lump… emerge years later as a pure energy God….well, they shouldn't look at the big shiny light that happens when they throw their little nuclear rocks at us.  I hope they'll listen anyway, although they can fastforward back to MY droning if they like:

<2010 clip >

See, thats what a REAL God looks like, from a Fiction book first published in 1982, bugger water into wine, I want direct control over every dimension, regardless of speed or distance.  All that was said to have happened in 2010, you know, last year?  Well, I don't remember being Godlike and made from pure energy, but I *DID* get an iPhone 4 and iPad, so we're well on the way there.  Its probably *next* year that we get our Flying Cars, and the year after that the Godlike powers.

Although, all the wonder in future technology is ruined by the last book, 3001 shows the Starchild Bowman as "just" uploaded data on the Monolith computers.  At the end, he and HAL are somehow able to be stored on a single quote "petabyte" sized disc…no, it doesn't sign off Temple Grandins work, its merely a thousand times, exactly, larger than my iMacs 1TB hard drive.  Talk about mundane, apparently the movie Avatar took up a little over a Petabyte to render, and Internet Archive, where I save my show has about 3 Petabyes of data, as of 2009 and growing.

Its rather interesting to think of how podcasts are recorded voices, so maybe that means I get to live on, like Voldermort and his horcruxes?  You know, all that "a part of his soul living somewhere else, inside an item"?  He used an anagram too, Tom Marvolo Riddle, I am Lord Voldermort, I loved that bit in the second movie, just like my own Jordan Wyatt being Jay Wont dart.

Just remember, when I take over the world, being of pure energy or not, make sure you DONT hit delete on the copy of my show on your devices, ok?  Thanks in advance.

I've been a longtime listener, I mean "producer" of the No Agenda podcast, , they often have interesting breakdowns of the news.  Lets see if I can examine their show.

This bits about Obama, talking about "don't ask don't tell", and about how proud they are of killing other people,

What a terrible term, "butcher", we recognize that when talking about other people, "the butcher of Baghdad" for Saddam Hussein for example.  Yet, Adam and John are for "butchering" nonhumans:

As always, I sprang into action, and complained, because everyone likes whiny complaints, right?

<267 Jordan wyatt>

I'm glad to know "its as easy to be Vegan as not, and its the least others deserve, not to be seen as a "thing", as an "it", but as our Friends is considered too long for a modern attention span.  Maybe I should just stand on a street corner, firing an assault rifle into the air, screaming "go Vegan!" to get my point across.

And of course, old Bill "wheres my cigar" Clinton looked fantastic before he were "KINDA" Vegan, right?

You know, I think theres an example online somewhere, of someone explaining how Vegans are never allowed to look even slightly tired, or sick.  If only that person had some kind of audio podcast-ular show…. either that, or if there were some way to go to their YouTube video on the topic, copy and paste its address into , to save the medium quality .flv file to your computer, run that through iExtractMP3, put that through iTunes to make an AAC, because sometimes Garageband chokes on the weirdo compression of iExtractMP3, don't ask me why, and then like, include that in your show, oh, and it should have an apt song for an intro!  If only someone knew how to do that…..

Thanks for not being asked to use that video Pao!  I'll link to the video in the shownotes, which you can easily find at 43 , for episode 43, or you can go to the blog directly, coexisting with nonhuman, I'm trying to get more readers!  You know, while its still legal to read text and all.

Thats right MJ!  We are *all* "like an animal", being animals after all!

Especially 50 Cent, whatever happened to that "Gorilla Unit" of his?

Michael Jackson's long used distressing language, for example, here he, explaining how women are, to him at least, attractive, new items:

Thats him during the Thriller era, but he flip-flops from being heterosexual female-nip, to sad crying single lonely man throughout his songs.  And its no wonder why, when he goes about calling Women "things", pretty or not!  Actually, on PYT, many of the chorus were his sisters, so he had to drag family members in, to be classed as his "things" too!

The way he sees women, no wonder he gets stuck with the Dirty Dianas, the Street Walkers, and the Billie Jeans, who lets men "dance on the floor in the round" on the first date.  And how does Thriller Era Michael Jackson, the hottest star in the solar system repay her? 

"Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son"

Thats terrible, to talk about "just taking a bite of the apple", and how much you like  "living this way", no wonder the girls say:


"dogging me around", is that speciesist language coming from them?

Either way, don't shrug it off either, no matter how damn funky the beat is, the best part about The Wiz, the second worst Wizard of Oz related movie, after the dreaded Return to OZ:

The language we use to describe one another matters, sometimes, you've got to be over the top, sickly sweet, to the point where no man can possibly stand listening to the song

Its a great pickup line, what woman could resist a big drunk guy coming up to her at the bar, and belching that one out?

But you cant beat the classics though, even when a 64GB iPod Touch is better in every way, sometimes you need a 120GB hard drive to get the job done. 

2010 wasn't the only great thing to come out of 1982 though,  theres also Thriller.  Yes, Thriller is the greatest selling album of all time, these days, a couple million sales are considered great, Thriller on the other hands sold about a hundred ten million odd, not bad, not bad.  I mean, nothing else even hits a pathetic 50 million, let alone 110. Apparently, in Minor Nation of America he's outsold by The Eagles greatest Hits, some band nobody under a hundred's heard of, like that Beef and Lamb ad "boom boom boom, we love to boogie", I think boogies were those things little kids used to pick out of their nose, it was an uncivilized time back then, back when people didn't have indoor toilets, so they went to the toilet in a pot that they kept in a special cabinet……  The Eagles have sold so many copies because their target audience of confused baby boomers has the olds-timers disease, and cant remember where they put their vinyl copy, the cassette, the 8 track, the laser disc, the vhs,  the mini disc, the hd dvd,….. copy, so they have to keep rebuying the damn album.

Its not surprising though, nothing can compare to Black Michael Jackson, and anyway, it was revealed in the prophecy.

Loud mouth dictators cant even handle a single thousand year stint, MJ will *easily* pull of forty K at the top of the musical pops.

Even though the Michael album got blasted out of the album charts by what, "Now Thats What I Call Music volume 34", Pinks Greatest Hits and "Glee"…. a bit like that awful, inferior to Silverchair US band Nirvana, who had the nerve to replace MJ's Dangerous on the charts, back in the day.

Anyway, this isn't MEANT to be some  kind of Michael Jackson podcast.  You can find THAT at , which I cohost with my friend Andrew.

So, to the guys of the world, lets not  go about calling women "things", no matter how Pretty, or Young, and lets not refer to each other as "like an animal" either, we ARE animals, and *they* are NOT things.

Just a little dating advice from a New Zealander, back when people read such things, there was some book on love making, the Kamo Suture or something, now, New Zealanders are out there, Editing the Wikipedia page on the subject.

While our entire airforce rusts, waiting to be bought by a rich American, we're all about making love, not war, observe the Conchordes in action:

I love hearing "Wellington", our capital up there with Paris.

Yes, a massively overpopulated country of four million, we know all about "business time"

I was told by Dutch neighbors that something like North and or South Holland alone are about the size of my region, Southland, population 100,000, yet over there, they squeeze millions of people in. If only there were some way to find out if my neighbors were right, ah well, if I'm wrong, I'll just correct everyone else by editing Wikipedia later.  Hey, we'd be densely populated too, but we're tired, ok? Its hard working eight hours a day.  Plus, I think I have headache tonight. 

Someone has to mention overuse of the term "articulate" in the Animal Rights movement, "Mr Wyatt articulated his point well", enough with the damn A word!  If I "point something out", would we North Invercargill it up by saying "the Dictator for life of the Invercargill Vegan Society well gesticulated the approximate location"? , no, we say that bloke pointed over there!  At least decent hardworking Southland folk would anyway.  Actually, its more than just the Northern side of my beloved city, population 50,000, its Northern Hemisphere.

"oh, look at us, if gravity frigged up, we WOULDN'T be flung out into space, oh, we don't need floors made of velcro up here…."

 ouch mister "Cyhi da Prince", too soon, too soon.  And about that "I'm the rap Nat Turner", Nate Turner, the slave who killed all the White guys, its times like that when I feel self conscious listening to rap music, I hope the rebellion will accept "oh me?  I've just got Vitilligo, or as us regular, decent type of folk say, the Michael Jackson syndrome".

For the New Year, I thought it would be great to include some reports from Honorary Members of the Invercargill Vegan Society, people from all around the world.  After their dark marks burnt, heres what was sent back to Home Base.

(after Tim's mention "Invercargill, city of water and light", actually Tim, its not really an aurora that we see, its more of a laser light show, courtesy of the "Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall" US guy, the "top secret", (yeah right), Laser death star thing.  The satellites also have the olds-timers disease, you'll be cruising down Tay Street in your Ute at 50 kilometers an hour, a can of Speights in one hand, texting on your Nokia in the other, when the radio gets taken over with a broadcast of

Followed by 1.21 Jigga Watts of (pew pew noise) whizzing past our Water tower.  Like living in Alaska, we get a yearly bribe from Los Americanos for looking the other way, literally, that stuff burns your eyes.

I think its great to hear from so many people who care about animals, from all around the world.  Barbara also mentioned others wanting to meet other Vegans in their area:

What are you waiting for?  Take it from me, Dictator for Life of the globally feared Invercargill Vegan Society.  Sure, you may get a few jabs every now and then about the lack of visible members, "uhhhhh….I thought it was better if we uhhhhh….spread out…to cover more ground?  yeah, thats it!"  And with a annual membership fee of zero dollars and zero cents, with one Mr R. Ooster as treasurer, its not exactly a get rich quick scheme.

But think about the sheer joy you get from criticizing the bourgeois, Large Animal RIGHTS Groups, you know the ones I'm talking about, with TWO or more members and everything, its GREAT!  "Waah, Waah, I'm the only Vegan in the Village", you get lots of honorary memberships out of sympathy, what more could we ask for? 

Thank you to everyone who sent in a report, all the Honorary Invercargill Vegan Society Members from around the globe, and that one guy actually in Invercargill, New Zealand.  Thank you to Jeffery Coolwater, Canada, Elizabeth Collins, New Zealand, Barbara DeGrande and Michael Tiedemann (they should name a Square after you Michael) and Tim Gier of the United States of America, Sasha James of Australia, and Urosh, from Bosnia and Herzegovinia… uh, Urosh, I need a little help sorry , I should be a slaughterman for what I do to countries names, damn, wheres a godlike being of pure energy when you need him/her/it? 

Ah, thanks Alex 9000.

Veganism is growing, One Man/Woman/Chicken Friend Vegan Societies, and those lesser "Associations" are popping up all over the place, like weeds.  By speaking clearly about Veganism, we can be the ones throwing the seeds about, who knows where they will spring forth, but something is DEFINITELY growing.

Thank you all for helping me make this episode.

Thank you for listening to Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals.

You can find the script for this episode, as well as downloads for every episode of Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals at coexisting with nonhuman animals .

If you want to contact me, even just to say you listened, send an email to, or on Twitter, j a y w o n t d a r t,  I'd appreciate it.

Thank you for listening.

Pao's "Vegan, You look like Hell" video

2010 Space Odyssey Two


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