Saturday, April 16, 2011

Episode 52 The New Zealand Diet: where you come to lose weight and be as thin as possible!

Episode 52 The New Zealand Diet: where you come to lose weight and be as thin as possible!

American TV shows recorded in New Zealand, Americas Next Top Model, The Biggest Loser, what are we, a country to lose weight and be as thin as possible? :-)  King of the Hill clips referencing "Non Veganism" and "Vegetarianism", Australian "Dung Beetles" to be released in New Zealand, and everyones favourite Texan Vegan…BARBARA DEGRANDE!

Listen by directly downloading from here, or, better yet, subscribe in iTunes and get all episodes automagically!

Hello and welcome to episode 52 of Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals, your favourite Invercargill, New Zealand based animal rights show.

This episode, "The New Zealand Diet: where you come to lose weight and be as thin as possible!",  I'd like to share some clips from the popular show King of the Hill.  I er… recorded them all off television each night for several years, to get every episode… yip, sure did…although my method of "recording off my television" might be getting cracked down on by a recent New Zealand file sharing law. 

So lets get this show on the road, before los federalis' show up.

(knock on desk "come out with ya hands up slaaaaaaave")


Also encoded in this AAC file, a comparison between my part of the world, and another part of the world, pretty exciting huh?  With King of the Hill presenting a fictional town, Arlen, I thought it would be fun to have an actual Texan on, Barbara DeGrande, who we'll interrogate about the actual Texas, is their Tea really made of black goop, imported fresh from the latest warzone?  We'll find out soon.

Its important to learn about other countries, otherwise you might get a bit confused.  Take George Carlin for example:

Well when you get there George, maybe you'll realise you were thinking of the wrong place, I think he meant another American state's license plate?  Not New ZEALAND, but New Hampshire?  New Jersey?  New Mexico?  New York?   A Volvo registered in New Zealand, Right Hand Drive naturally, as in the steering wheel and the driver are on the RIGHT side of the car, the front passenger sits on the left, in America? And we drive like maniacs here in New Zealand!

We need an envoy from the American people, and who better than a pretty face with nothing going on inside?

Sadly, that woman, a future President of America no doubt, she was busy, so they sent a bunch of models over.  Yes, I'm referring to Americas Next Top Model, which had a few episodes recorded here a looooong looooong time ago, 2010.

More recently there were episodes of "The Biggest Loser" recorded in nearby Queenstown, mountains, lakes, snow, cold water… for some reason people think its amazing.

I don't know how I feel about it, its cool if we're seen internationally as a place to host reality television shows… I think?  A place for models to be judged based on how little body fat they have, and other people who want to lose weight, I don't know where that reputation came from!  "a quick 20 hour flight to a Pacific Island Nation will sort them out, those Socialists will help them lose weight, based on the native diet of gruel and kiwi droppings, "please sir, may I have more"  "NEIN mate!  We're all equal in New Zealand comrade, and you've just finished your government allocated portion of rolled oats/oatmeal for the next week…"

It was even odd how New Zealand was introduced, we have no idea what a "zeeeeeee" is, we do have a ZED at the end of our alphabet though :

<1 z's", stop when shepherd comes out>

Now I don't know what the heck kind of accent thats meant to be, it sounds like a DRUNK Sylvester Stallone TRYING to do an Australian accent….

AWWW MAAAAAAN, who WOULDN'T want to go on a 20+ hour flight to the other side of the world, some strange, backwards little island nation, when they could stay here, in New York, with a population DOUBLE the size of that entire crappy little country! 

<2 stop at national anthem>  ohh maaaan, they had to use our crappy national anthem… its all religious and everything, begging for everyone to leave us alone, "…Guard pacifics triple star….from the shafts of strife and war…., make her praises heard a faaaaaaaaar… god defend our freeeee laaaaaaaaaannnnnd"

Whats an atheist to do?  And here I am telling my American friends we're not run by a bunch of right wing religious wackos, and there we go…while other countries proudly boast of their rockets redly glaring, we're begging Jesus to keep all the bad guys away, that we're afraid!

I know what song *I* would have picked, if America can be represented by a french statue, we can pick an atheist approved, autotuned masterpiece:

I don't know about "old school chevys", dont you guys normally push those old hunks of junk down into the levee?  Thus the origin of the term "Katrina Car"?  New Zealands national car would have to be a late 90's Toyota, a pre loved, shall we say, Japanese import.  Theres a great bit in the episode where the models taxis, those AWFUL Ford Fairmonts… Australian and New Zealand listeners, YOU know what I'm talking about… hideous things… are stuck behind a R34 Skyline, now THATS a car we can proudly call a Kiwi Classic!  Americans probably only know them from The Fast and the Furious, but they're common here in New Zealand, the Nissan Skyline, theres one on every street, with the early 20's guy driving pretending to drift around every corner.

I can skip the first insult, not knowing where Nuuu ZEE LAND is, but "looks like arkansas" , oh cmon, how stupid is THAT! we all know its pronounced "ar kansas!"  Comparing NZ, is it an insult or a compliment to be compared to Arkansas?  I only know about them through Wacky Racers, the Arkansaw Chuggabug.

<2 finishes "air new zealand launched its...>

the seats are 2.5 centimeters longer and  theres cupholders, to make that 20 hour flight just FLY by, this episode brought to you by Air New Zealand, we get it guys, thanks for the planeload of clueless models.  Wheres an Oceanic Flight 815 when you need it?  Sadly, their plane wasn't snapped in half by a magnetic pulse, because some guy called Des didn't put numbers into an old Apple II.

<3 We in Nuu Zee LAND y'all"

We in Nuuu Zee LAND Y'all?  Seriously?  I'm trying to think of a cliched New Zealand saying we might use in another country, something like "Chur mate, we're in America Bro"…

<4 NZ accents, pause after "she owns the most successful NZ modeling…>

So that means its famous world wide too, right?

Always fun to showcase some more New Zealand accents, we're pretty exciting you know

<5 we're in new zealand "I love new zealand! weeeeee">

Meh, you're welcome, we're not THAT great….we're just an UNDERpopulated, Nuclear Free country that every other nation likes, where everyone has healthcare, where there are no Republicans, we consider the other 50% of the population, you know, Women, equally able to run the country - we've had both quote "Left Wing" and quote "Right Wing" female leaders, we DONT give our Prime Minister a peace prize right before he starts the nations latest war for oil…..  

<6 house isn't even on cribs>

Yes, an apartment in a New Zealand skyscraper isn't on an MTV program about American Rappers mansions… did the model actually think that every impressive looking house in the world would eventually be shown on "cribs"? ….

The reason for the models being in New Zealand?  Why, to pose at a farm with sheep, apparently, because America doesn't have any grass or a large sheep to be photographed beside….

Ah, now FINALLY I can get some Animal Rights spin into the episode, Can I sit on IT?   She'd just said "I'm about to kill it", which I'm told DOESNT mean she wants to literally kill the "it", she doesn't want to kill the sheep, but she is instead offering an exuberant expression of self confidence.  Huh, go figure.  I had to ask our friend Elizabeth Collins ( for a translation, Elizabeth understands and speaks fluent English, Spanish and American.

And it would be DISRESPECTFUL to sit on a sheep right?  But its perfectly ok to literally throw them onto their back, on a wooden floored shed, cut his or her wool off, throw them out for the next sheep…. to put large plastic tags through their ears, identifying them as our property….its ok for us to kill their young, and sell their frozen corpses around the world as "New Zealand Lamb"… just don't sit on IT!

<8 brains and our body>

Their bodies looked awfully scrawny, theres not a lot there, and as for their brains?

< 9 new zealand above canada>

Ok, enough of me insulting models, I'm just jealous I didn't get picked in the pageant.

"Hey mate, yeah, and uh, I want world peace!"

Now, New Zealanders are not that smart either, see, heres the thing, we kinda have a large amount of greenhouse gas emissions, thanks to all the burping "farm" animals… so how do we solve that?  Well, the obvious solution is to introduce a creepy little beetle who likes to collect… solid waste…. and traps it underground, to eat later, from a country that would be proud of such monsters…

Yippee, we get some of these CREEPY little insects in my area!  Elizabeth and William, living in Auckland, they get to share in the fun too!  Thanks Farmers!  Because we've never ever ever had a problem with introduced species before… right?  Its not like our Department of "conservation", spends all its time dropping poison to "manage" *cough* KILL *cough* these animals, right?  The majority of which were introduced so we could "farm" them…to kill them as a bloodsport, to kill them for their skin, or the hair stuck in their skin…

See, the totally unrealistic, idealistic, holistic, materialistic, ballistic Vegan approach would have been to not have all those burping "farm" animals in the first place!  Ha, those wacky Vegans!  They're bloody nuts, right?  Na, we'll just release a swarm of poo eating beetles from Australia, and everything will be sweet as, forever and ever, yippppppppppp….

You've heard how my country is, a convenient 20 hours away in a thin metal tube, where people go to be as thin as possible, now lets see how OTHER parts of the world are misrepresented,  how about some totally legal, "recorded off the television every night for several years" King of the Hill clips?  

King of the Hill features a family living in a fictional town in Texas, Arlen.  I've long enjoyed King of the Hill, many of my friends didn't, its a fairly average, although a little quirky family, with the right number of fingers, and non Yellow skin.  Each episode usually has an obvious message, a teachable moment.  And supposedly "being from Texas", the family is very NON Vegan, with the show having quite a few jokes at the expense of Vegetarians and "do gooders" throughout.  The last episode ever to air had Bobby, the son judging animals corpses, to see which were the quote "best" grade of flesh.  It turns out, he's the only one on his team that actually enjoys the inspections, the rest of these "competitive carcass judgers" just want to win, they don't care about the actual subject.  One of them is even Vegetarian!

< vegetarian flesh judging clip>

I'm not vivisecting King of the Hill to make fun of the good people of Texas, or Americans, the way I just wanted to make fun of those Models visiting my country.  No, its just a good fun show, that happens to have a lot of "Non Vegan" subjects, and makes fun of Vegetarians.  I don't believe the real Texas was necessarily anything like the fictional town of Arlen shown, although I was curious to see if ANYTHING was accurate.  We'll find out from Barbara soon!

Here, after painting his room, and expressing an imagination, seeing shapes in painted clouds, we see how cruel we can be to other animals, while not even CONSIDERING it an act of animal cruelty:

And feel good terms are mentioned, "Cruelty Free Makeup", well, perhaps it is free of "cruelty", which seems to mean "its not tested on cute little white bunnies", but "cruelty free" certainly might mean it contains parts of dead animals…who weren't found dead, and who hadn't written in their will "when I die, I hope my body will make human female animals look pretty, so the cute boy at school will ask her out"… I think its better to use the term VEGAN when it comes to being truly "cruelty free", because terms like "Humane", "kind", "they had a good life", "Temple Grandin is an animal rights visionary…" , they can all mean pretty much ANYTHING!  Something is either Vegan, or its Not Vegan.  It would be great if packaging was that simple, and we could then promote Veganism as such, "did you know that "Non Vegan products" have parts of dead bodies in them?  Wouldn't you much rather have the dead body free product over here?"

For British, Australian and New Zealand listeners… the mention of hitting her on her… that term means something else here, her female parts… I don't even like saying that particular F word…. I grew up watching that seaside episode of the Simpsons, where Marge is swimsuit shopping with Lisa, and Marge likes one swimsuit as "it has a starfish on the …."  Young Jordan Wyatt used to always sit up straight waiting for her to use that F word, I'd always gasp, "ohhhh, they can say that on television?"

Not to mention the little girl who lived behind us offering to show me her….  I was a GOOD little boy!  I didn't want my friends to take their clothes off! 

Quickly moving away from New Zealand Naughty Words, some Asian neighbors moved next door to the Hill family in an early episode,

and that brings out the usual crass jokes about what animals are considered "meat"


And about cooking flesh, this clip has an amazing amount of Animal Rights related topics, the lifeboat situation, the definition of friend…of social norms, how you might think someone was EVIL and CRUEL and HITLER for killing animals that are not commonly killed in your area…


I might have to make that a regular clip, parts of that could be useful to replay in future. 

There really is no difference when we kill a Chicken, or kill a cat.  All sentient beings matter equally.  Does a Chicken think herself "worth less" than a Cat would?  Who gets to make this decision, who established that often referenced "The Food Chain", "we kill them because thats the food chain, and like all chains, we are chained down by it, we cannot act independently, we are all chained together, slaves in a food chain gang, theres a bunch of us, all held back by these wonderful chains, so that means any independent free thinking person must be wrong wrong WRONG!"  You can often question these people, "ok, so where do Cats sit on this Food Chain, I mean, we're all made of muscle right, and thats what you call "meat"….", to which they reply "nooo, you're being SICK!  You're being STUPID!  How are you so DUMB!  We don't kill Cats!… thats EVIL!"

A different episode DID feature desperate American people planning to kill and eat dogs though, because of that Millennium Bug thing…

Theres no difference between killing Dogs or killing Cats, or killing Chickens.  We can imagine a distinction, based on how we have grown up, ie, we think its normal to dress this way, or to drive this kind of car, it does not mean its "right", its just whats always been RIGHT around us.  Chickens, Cows, Pigs, Sheep… they all matter just as much as cats, dogs, whales, dolphins, unicorns… and when you're talking about killing other animals, it don't matter if you're black or white.  (MJ, Black or white reference)

I honestly don't miss anything Non Vegan.  I don't dream of wearing someone elses skin, I don't have fantasies of drinking someones breast milk, I don't want to eat someones body, even if they asked me to do these things, I simply am not interested.  We grow up believing these things are normal, when they really are obviously awful, who wants to buy someones body in a cardboard box, and throw out their bones when you're done? 

We have a lot of slaughterhouses in Southland, outside of my city of course, but driving further north, you'll notice them, huge white buildings generally, you can most often smell them before you get within a few kilometers.  An awful, strong smell, of shit and blood, I think.  These clips from King of the Hill mention the smell of "processing", "thats the smell of jobs"

Huh, dead bodies and waste tend to smell, go figure!

Another example of the series "showing how the sausage is made" as it were, an episode with a wealthy man, rich from killing Pigs.  Turns out he's a little crazy.  I'll let these clips speak for themselves, of what actually goes on in "pork processing", talk about politically correct, everything to do with Animal Agriculture , aka killing more than 56 billion sentient beings a year worldwide, each atrocity has its little code name to detach ourselves from what it REALLY is.  Breeding animals to make their bodies a certain way, giving someone the gift of a headless body, isn't that lovely?, and how this tends to have an effect on those involved. 

This last clip from the episode features the actual slaughterhouse, where we see how animals have water sprayed on them, electrically stunned with aid from that previous water, gotta make sure the sponge is wet Percy, and killed with a spike through their head.  As we find out, machinery is indiscriminate, it doesn't take sickdays, or give a damn, it does its job, and does regardless of what species is involved, nobody likes a spike through their head :

Another episode has a rodeo featured, where the Non Vegan Luanne character mentions how "cruel" rodeos are, her lines are made to be foolish, another joke, ie "oh those townies, they don't know how The Real World works".

Often the animals are given a stupid name, to make us feel stronger when we "beat them", although I did find this one kind of funny, a horse is a hearse of course of course…

And the last clip from the rodeo episode,

Who would do that to Chickens?  They could seriously have a heart attack after being chased like that, birds generally have a high heart rate, and Chickens have very clear emotions, they get distressed easily, and often take some time to be sure the danger is over.  I hear my Chicken Friends make a lot of noise sometimes, after they've spotted a cat who was stalking them, one of them spots the danger, makes a certain warning call, and the others look where the first Chicken was indicating, and go nuts too.  It takes them at least a minute to calm down, when the cat has been shooed away, although not with a shoe, we save those for politicians in undeveloped nations like New Zealand.

I was listening to Roger Yates last FANTASTIC, EXQUISITE, SUPERFLUOUS episode, he mentions a campaigner pointing out that "fishing" is a "bloodsport".  Heres a clip from King of the Hill about killing fish, where "factory farmed worms" are mentioned, we see that even those who are quite seriously opposed to Veganism care about feeling good for their choices, that they are not supporting "factory farmed" worms while they drown them, attempting to get another animal to bite into a metal hook.

So why don't you sit somewhere and do nothing, WITHOUT hurting or killing anyone else?

I mentioned "cruelty" to a farmer recently, they had said about how "bobby trucks" could be cruel SOMETIMES, the trucks where day old or few day old male calves are put on, to be taken away and killed.  They are useless to the so called "dairy" industry, not being able to be forcibly impregnated, have children, and produce milk for them.  So, they are killed as quickly and cheaply as possible.  Many farmers prefer to put the on "The Truck", they are driven away to be killed at a slaughterhouse, rather than kill these defenseless animals themselves.  Most seem to mention "feeling bad about it" when The Truck comes, but as soon as its gone, they try not to think about whats just happened to those beautiful animals.  They do something to take their minds off it. 

One farmer mentioned recording "The Truck Man" literally THROWING and KICKING the calves onto the truck, how this was horrible, and how the video had been shown to the truck company, who also claimed to be outraged.  My question, why would the defenseless animals really give a damn whether they are kicked and thrown about in that situation?  They don't know it, how could they, but they are being driven to their deaths.  They must certainly know they've been taken away from their mother, and she damn well knows that too, they don't know they are being driven in a vehicle to their deaths, but they certainly would NOT want it to happen! 

Whats the real "animal cruelty", seeing someone else as property, as waste, needing to be killed as soon as possible to save money, and being "thrown and kicked" onto the truck, or being seen as property, as waste, needing to be killed as soon as possible, and somehow "gently" being put on the truck?

If you were given the choice, between being "kicked and thrown" or killed, what would you choose?  Which is "cruel", and which is "humane"?  Its a little like worrying that "death row" inmates have alcohol swabbed on their arm before the lethal injection, don't want them to pick up a disease you know, not when they're going to be DEAD in a minutes time!  Oh no, couldn't have that, could we!  It makes more sense to say, "hey, developed nations shouldn't kill people, especially ultra conservative religious ones, where you're worried about the government being too big, and able to offer health and welfare to her citizens, when her job should be limited to punishing and KILLING those citizens".

I'd campaign for not killing people, not asking for people not to attend the execution if they had a cold, don't what Mr Murderer to catch the flu going around, a minute before he's killed.

A similar situation, the teaching of "the birds and the bees" to your children, not wanting to see or think about reality

I like the episodes idea of "sugar coating" things, the book of pretty flowers, "I thought of them while my husband did his business"…. the idea of seeing reality, and being conditioned to believe in something else, some fantasy.  We know that "Chicken flesh" comes from A Chicken, that they were alive, that they are killed.  Yet we believe its different… somehow, we're told, and believe that they, uh, enjoy having this done to them?  That they don't care?  That the people involved in the industry care about these sentient beings, and are being kind to them?

which is like this fantasy idea of "humanely raised animals", of a world where slaughterhouse designers can be awarded "animal rights visionary" awards by the worlds largest "animal rights group".  Lets tell the truth, lets promote Veganism.

I see Animal Rights as linked with other rights recognition, that we are animals, we are sentient beings, that other animals, other sentient beings matter too.  That they have as much right to life, to being free as you or me.  That it doesn't matter if we are tall or short, New Zealander or Australian, we're all equal, although in that last case, some are more equal than others.  Whether we are "gay", or "straight", fat or thin, male or female.  Whether you pee standing up, or sitting down, what goes around comes around.

Some don't agree with that though, they want to cover things up, and place bans.  Like parts of America where you cant "bad mouth" certain industries, where they are trying to ban recording what we do to other animals, or even telling the truth to other people, like Oprah and Howard Lyman, where you can get sued for telling the truth, if its said to hurt a large industry.  You're just a person, you don't have rights, huge corporations do, they pay more tax, unless they're GE and pay nothing…. so they matter more than a hardworking mother or father, or single person with Chicken Friends.

In this episode, an X Ray of the Non Vegan Hank is shown in a modern art exhibit, where apparently the cause of his problem was from flesh.  His son, Bobby also has a flesh related problem, gout.  Isn't it great being Vegan, where we don't get these crazy problems?  Oprah is mentioned, keep an eye out for it, agave nectar.

ALL Non Vegan products are "ghoulish", its all disgusting.

My last two clips, and they're short. 

See, what kind of person could POSSIBLY be against killing animals for our enjoyment?  You'd have to be weird to avoid eating other animals, right?  Like, in a cult, sure!  The way to brainwash someone?  Withold flesh!  And to break the evil spell?  Why, just give them someones flesh, yeah, that'll cure them!

So thats King of the Hill, one of my favourite cartoon series, because most episodes have a simple message, and whether its positive or negative, laughing with or laughing at us, I think its ultimately moving forward if more people at least know what Veganism is.  We'll get there by promoting Veganism, using the word Vegan, by wearing T Shirts made by Emmy James, and being a member of Animal Rights and Rescue North Texas. 

Interestingly, I never knew Mike Judge, King of the Hill creator and voice of many characters, he also had a terribly received series, "The Goode Family".  This was never shown in New Zealand, I'm heartbroken, I found out about it while planning this episode.  It was all about an ultra liberal, progressive, VEGAN family, and the jokes involved their views of the world.  It really looks great, packed with satire AT Vegans, adults who ride bikes, people who reuse shopping bags.  I think its fantastic that such a show could be put on air, that children could grow up knowing about Vegans, I can just think of how much I know about the world, albeit exaggerated, through cartoons such as The Simpsons.  For example, I've always known Republicans were evil, that cats and mice hate each other, the cat is made from glass, and can be blown into a neon light and that the only Scottish guy in a given city has to drive a tractor, and is called Willy.

Heres a short clip from The Goode Family about the dog, who is only fed VEGAN dogfood, I'm really blown away that this could be a modern cartoon series, with all these mentions of Veganism in every single episode… even if its very negative…like this one, where the Vegan fed Dog DREAMS of eating other animals, and is always denied.  Apparently, he ends up eating other "pets" in the neighborhood, by his desire to be Non Vegan. 

Yes, its make fun of us, its not fair, I don't particularly like that running gag, "ha, Vegans are mean to animals, they force everyone and every THING else to do what they say, when its bad…".  I'm still really surprised that a modern show can reference and features a family of Vegans.  Even if "The Goode Family" only ran a single season, and got terrible ratings.

We can show people Veganism is not unhealthy, that Vegans are not weirdos, except the ones who are, and that its great to be Vegan, just by being ourselves, and promoting Veganism.

Heres someone who's never had terrible ratings though, Barbara DeGrande, of Veganacious and Animal Rights and Rescue North Texas

It was lovely of Barbara to join us, you can find her at, or by searching for Veganacious on iTunes, for her great show promoting respect for everyone.

Oh, and about the opening tease?  Apparently they have non petroleum based tea in Texas too, they don't just drink oil.  Go figure, pop culture has lied to me.

Thank you for listening to Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals.

You can find the script for this episode, as well as downloads for every episode of Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals at coexisting with nonhuman animals .

To show off how fancy I am, I've been using Bit Ly links for each episode, a shortcut to each episodes script and sources.  Just go to, for episode 49.  Episode 48 was, 47 was, and so on.

If you want to contact me, even just to say you listened, send an email to, or on Twitter, j a y w o n t d a r t,  I'd appreciate it.

Thank you for listening.


Worlds worst national anthem (LOST)

Americas Next Top Model

King of the Hill

The Goode Family (which I'd never heard of)

and the wonderful Barbara DeGrande!

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