Sunday, December 25, 2011

Episode 70 Ms Hen For President 2012

Episode 70 Ms Hen For President 2012

2012, Ms Hen's Presidential Run, Free cows milk served in New Zealand schools to "get 'em hooked while they're young", Fonterra and their offensive PR Offensives, Veganism in Apple's top game of the year Tiny Tower, The Goode Family, "Rotten to the Core", Irish Vegan Professor Roger Yates, Australian Vegan Geoff Chapman, New Zealand Vegan Carl Scott.

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Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals iTunes link

Hello and welcome to Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals, episode 70, Ms Hen For President 2012 

I'm recording today on the 25th of December, for some reason all the shops here in Invercargill, New Zealand were shut, maybe online shopping has finally put them all out of business?  I couldn't buy any Richard Dawkins books, or other such works of godless socialists, so I thought to myself, aloud, "huh, might as well record a podcast Jordan!"

God willing, this will be the last episode of Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals, I don't think I'll have any more time to record random episodes, on the six last days of existence, before 2012 gets us.

I'll make a promise, its not like I'm going to have to back it up, ha, IF New Zealand is somehow just out of range of the Asteroids, and the Godzillas, and the Nuclear Meltdowns in the Non Nuclear Free countries, and the swarms of hornets, tsunamis of untreated "dairy nutrient", and general pestilence, I promise (yeah right) to continue the show, so long as the studio (a computer and secondhand USB headset microphone and myself are in fact intact.

Remember when we were optimistic about future years to come?  When Father Time himself promised < 1999 don't worry, I wont hurt you>

but even then, 1999 had sinister overtones

<1m55 odd "if im going to die im gonna listen to my body tonight">

Well, 1999 was comparatively all well and good compared with what came next, 2000, Y2K, The Millennium Bug?  Yeah…..

Australian band Silverchair doing all of Australasia good (ie, when Australia comes up with a good song, New Zealanders can conveniently claim its an "Australasian" song, as if we had something to do with it)  Lead singer Daniel Johns has been a long time Vegan, although he's been "vegetarian" on doctors orders before, and I'm not sure if he's Vegan right now.

And as for now….

<2012 aint the end>

Yeah, it'll keep spinning for a whole six days longer, UGH, they couldn't even get the date right, its TWENTY TWELVE, not Two thousand and twelve! "Hello, I was born in 1000 900 and 87!  We landed on the moon in 1000 900 and 69!" I know lots of people do it for other dates, but when you're writing a song about it?  Who are you going to trust, this "jay sean" bozo, or the mayans, who came up with a whole bloody calendar?!?!? 

Well, the end of the world is six days away, the band might as well keep playing as the ship goes down:

It sees you when you're sleeping,
it knows when you're awake,
it knows when you've been bad or good,
but who cares, we're all gonna die for christs sake!

(a little role reversal there)

You better watch out 
You better not cry 
Mind the Nuclear Fallout,
I'm telling you why 
2012 is coming to town

Well, with the short North Korean guy gone, another tyrant dead (albeit to supposed "natural causes", yeah right, I'm thinking a CIA drone got him), 2011 sure was the year for dispatching dictators.  Listen to a recent episode of 60 Minutes, interviewing American President Obama, the guy KINDA sounds like a dictator, laws, government, they just get in the guys way, what we need is more power to the Commander in chief

Comedian Bill Maher has a good joke about how right wing American politicians are : 

To kill someone?  I think he meant kill someONE, apparently like this guy who got the Noble Peace Prize!

Seems a little eager to press the big red button, right?  Reminds me of a radio show in the game Grand Theft Auto, San Andreas:

Well THAT sure is inspiring news to hear from the leader of the free world, "hey, it coulda been worse guys, your only choices were between me and that other guy (or Bachman/returned from the dead Palin)"

Lets take Rick Perry for example, often described as "Turbo Bush", another far out wacky Texan running for president, why cant we have President DeGrande, President Little or President Rook?  You all have great names Barbara, Adam and Cyndi,  Big, Little or Castle.

Instead, Perry is openly homophobic, apparently blaming openly gay Americans fighting in the multiple invasions, while regretting that American children are denied the ability to deny evolution in schools, as we hear in his ad titled "Strong"

Unbelievable, here it is again,

You know, to think in my lifetime we have a popular presidential candidate in America who would talk like that, its a bloody outrage it is.  "ohhhhh, look at all these women allowed to vote thanks to the DANG liberals, meanwhile, they wont let us rename the big white thing in the night the Reagan Ball, telling the childrens in science class Jesus kicked that big white baseball up there in honor of king Reagan".  I'm certain in my lifetime Creative Design will end up being taught in schools.  Its terrifying to think about, it really is the end of the world in 2012!

Until President Barbara DeGrande, President Adam Little or President Cyndi Rook or another Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals listener become the next Texan in the overall office, I say we run my long dead Hen Friend in the race for 2012, certainly a dead Hen could do a better job than these people, Ms Hen for Prez 2012!  Why, she raised seven chicks, literally in a straw lined box, a manger, LIKE JESUS!  Yes, that steroid taking "Octomom" went one better, Ms Hen had ten chicks, three didn't survive, but HEY!  She was hatching eggs in a socialist country, without the wonders of the American healthcare system!

If that "Liberal Mainstream Media" try and sabotage her campaign, like Ron Paul, Presidential Candidate Hen would back Kucinich, because HE has a great chance at winning the presidency…..right?

Lets take a look at the news.  

Here in New Zealand, "dairy" monopoly Fonterra have all kinds of ethically offensive PR offensives, NOW they claim they are the ones *caring* for the Waituna Lagoon, the priceless wetlands a dozen kilometers from my house, that are being forever ruined by "high quality dairy nutrients", ie cow crap and fertilizer run off.  Fonterra have all kinds of websites about getting volunteers to go out and plant native trees around the lagoon, to get involved, a lot of "we stewards of the land CARE for our beloved New Zealand environment…" green washing bla bla bla.  The idea that after receiving years of bad press over our waterways, Waituna in particular, that the actual people polluting would now claim to be FIXING the lagoon, that takes some serious guts, and a dairy addled population apparently willing to swallow anything Fonterra churn out! :-)

And trying to "get 'em while they're young", the return of free cows milk being given out in New Zealand schools!  In my parents day it happened, there was no refrigeration, and so the little glass bottles of milk were warm, and often smelt terrible.  It put people *off* drinking cows milk.  

After being bashed in the media for pollution, climate change, destroying New Zealands image of being clean green and 100% pure (as the marketing campaign goes), for making record profits while the average Non Vegan Zealander adult can barely afford 2 litres to drink, you know, as an adult, this COULDN'T possibly be another part of Fon Terrors PR crisis management, right?

Apparently old Margret Thatcher took away the British school systems free dairy program back in the 80's, she was dubbed

"thatcher thatcher milk snatcher" by the public, their children cheated out of milk taken from other animals.

From our local newspaper in Invercargill, The Southland Times:

"An older generation of Southlanders reminiscing about compulsory milk will have fond memories, while others will want to forget the sometimes warm, curdled mixture.
A Depression era free-milk-in-schools scheme began in Invercargill in 1934 after a trial in Waikiwi School and stopped in 1967.
William Thwaites, who lived in Tokonui, recalls only city schools got the free milk. Country children got cocoa and sugar instead.
The free milk was not always savoured by all. For some, cocoa would have been the better option.
The Southland Times deputy editor Mark Wilson remembered getting his mum to write a note to ask if he could be excused from his milk because it made him unwell, while crafty pupils such as Jim Scarlett used to take Milo to school. "We used to throw it in (milo) and give the bottle a shake. It helped the milk go down easier, especially if it was warm," he said.
"Milk was delivered to our school gates early in the morning. This was before the days of fridges, so warm milk was normally on the menu, except on cold frosty days, when children would relish every drop," Mr Scarlett said.
"The job of milk monitor was usually given to older children at the school, a position envied by all pupils because it got you out of class for a while.
"We used to saunter to the gate to collect the milk and take our time loading the trolley for delivery," Mr Scarlett said.
Jillian Jones remembered looking forward to the milk monitor dropping off the black crates, full of clinking white bottles, to her classroom door in the morning.
Peter MacKay chuckled as he recalled that only "good boys" were chosen to be milk monitors and how he hated the revolting gone-off smell of spilt milk that had dried in the sun.
Jubilee Budget Advisory Service manager Simon Tierney said the initiative would help families manage household basics and encourage education on healthy eating.
It is unknown how long Fonterra intends to donate milk and whether it will act alone or partner with community agencies, but Invercargill Primary Principals Association chairman Kerry Hawkins said he hoped it was not a flash in the pan publicity stunt by Fonterra, which had been under public scrutiny for high priced milk.

Now, what student would choose to have congealing cows milk if they could instead have cocoa and hot water, essentially a Hot Chocolate?  Its a no brainer!  Why didn't they just offer that nationwide?

Some anecdotes mention only boys being trusted with the Milk Monitor job, presumably in the 1950's, 1960's girls weren't trusted to carry a box of small glass bottles, I guess in fear their inner feminist would connect clinking bottles of yellowing rancid filth and the exploitation of the female reproductive system, causing them to smash the lot in a feminine rage, like a recuperating Alex in A Clockwork Orange

Someone else who apparently needs to settle down are local farmers:

"Farmers need to stop chasing spot prices and commit to one meat processing company if they are going to compete with dairy, an outgoing Alliance Group director says.
Former Alliance director Owen Buckingham, speaking to about 100 people at the group's annual meeting in Invercargill yesterday, said Alliance was held in high regard by everyone it was associated with, but he was frustrated by the fragmented meat industry.
After the meeting he said that if farmers committed to one company it would mean certainty of stock and strengthen the ability of companies to invest in improved processing and marketing.
But many farmers were instead chasing spot prices – prices set day-to-day – which meant companies did not have stock committed before the start of the season, making it "extremely difficult" to put marketing plans in place and to decide when to start processing chains, he said.
"The problem is too much short-term thinking in the industry. We need some long-term committed strategies ... but they (farmers and companies) can't think past that week because they are trying to keep the (processing) plants full," he said."

"I don't think what anyone wants is New Zealand to be the dairy farm of the world."

"Mr Buckingham has been a director of Alliance for 25 years and stepped down from his role yesterday.

He made his entry into farm politics by organising thousands of farmers to let more than 1300 sheep run through the streets of Invercargill in the 70s to protest against industrial action."

Ah, that "protest", when hundreds of sheep were let lose on the main street of Invercargill, because the slaughterhouses were apparently too slow or backed up killing them, the farmers laughed as police had to direct traffic amongst all the wandering animals, you know, on our cities main street, before the sheep were finally taken away, the farmers having had their fun, to be killed ceremonially for the television cameras, who got close in on the action, watching the knives cutting throats, the blood draining down a little gutter dug in the dirt.

So, with a PR offensive from a ethically bankrupt mega corporation, forcing its wares into the New Zealand school system (joining that lovable scamp "Iron Brion", a two metre tall ten year old, bright blue haired mascot, who prances about the nations schools in an hour long presentation with giveaways, music, dancing and a free burger at the end, who tells children to demand New Zealand killed Cattle and Sheep flesh, to literally go home and bang the dinner table, demanding poor mother bring the advertised product to the brainwashed childs plate, and not Australian or Canadian or Brazillian killed animals, and not New Zealand killed Chickens or Pigs, NO, it has to be "New Zealand beef and lamb" :

Iron Brion was covered extensively on Episode 64 of Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals.

Our Vegan friends in France are also having trouble, with it apparently being "illegal" to serve all Vegan food in prisons, hospitals, schools etc.  

So, what are we to do, how do the Vegans strike back?

Why, by going after the children too, of course! 

Recently I became somewhat addicted to the iOS game "Tiny Tower", where you manage the construction and daily management of a skyscraper, building new floors, adding new tenants, creating new stores and keeping them stocked with products.  

One such store in the food category, chosen at random by the game is….VEGAN FOOD!  Un bloody believable, in this game that Apple voted the top iOS game of the year, for iPads, iPod Touches and iPhones, and among the 10 or so food stores available is a VEGAN restaurant!!!!

I was over the moon to find it, I've taken screenshots and will make a blogpost about it in the near future.

Its portrayed as a small cafe, with artificial vines on the walls, and plain wooden chairs.  The three food items you have to keep in stock are "Beet Salad", "Roasted Potatoes" and "Soy Burger".  Now *thats* a way to compete with Iron Brion, forget the New Zealand killed animals being handed out in the form of a burger, have the kids hooked playing games on their iPod Touch, or the family iPad!

Better yet, each tenant of your tower has a "dream job", and I managed to get three who had dreamed all their life of growing up to work at "Vegan Food", the game has a fictional version of Facebook, and you see the citizens talking about their job,   "woot, just scored my dream job at the vegan food", which other fictional people "like".

Another posted "Just got a job at the Vegan Food, I'm so excited!"  

By the time I had 55 fictional people living in my building, I had three who'd dreamt of being Vegan chefs their whole make believe lives, 3 Vegans out of 55 isn't bad, it isn't bad at all!  Well, for now, until such Animal Rights material as the extremely popular game Tiny Tower brainwashes more and more children to grow up Vegan that is!  And brainwashing is the operative word, the game has no end, it just goes on and on my friends, Jordan, started playing it, not knowing what was wrong, and he would have continued playing it forever just because….well, its the game that never ends, thats why!  You just build your tower higher and higher, dropping off more and more customers to the Vegan Food store, and it encourages you to spend real money, like from Daddies credit card kids, on ingame money.

By all means get the game, its free, just don't let it get you hooked!

To consider the impact a game could have on children their whole life, introducing them to new words, concepts, places, think of Electric Company, Park Lane, Pall Mall, Kings Cross Station, Old Kent Road, Piccadilly, Regent Street, Liverpool Street station, Mayfair, Leicester Square…..oh, and, and Trafalgar Square - who all appear alongside their friends the prehistoric racing car, the iron, the dog, top hat, battleship, howitzer and "go to jail" in ye old boring game Monopoly.  All these years later, we can remember many of the names and game items, imagine when children ages 8 and up have grown up stocking "Vegan Food" with Soy Burgers, Roasted Potatos and the all important Beet Salad.

I loved finding The Goode Family available online, a short lived cartoon by the makers of King of the Hill, about an all Vegan family, the Goodes, who are hyper liberal, always recycling, riding bicycles when they're not driving a hybrid that has a constant electric whine everywhere it goes, and, oh yeah, VEGAN.  Whole episodes are focused on the dilemma of "meat", its incredible to think that this is an actual television show.  Well, it was, before being cancelled!

I covered The Goode Family on Episode 59 of this show.

Heres a typical plot from an episode, where the effeminate Vegan father, thin, weak, timid has to deal with his adopted son, who is also Vegan being a massive brute, interested in what Americans call Football, 

In the first clip we see the hilarious results of one of those whiny, un masculine Vegans attending a football BBQ:

Where we find out an American football ritual 

which culminates in the wimpy Vegan father being easily overpowered, but luckily, the freak of nature statured son protects the pig, ending in those silly Vegans not understanding how the real world works, as the pig runs about deranged:

before finally, the story arc involves the hyper liberal, thin, un masculine Vegan father having to THINK his way out of the situation, mission accomplished!

So instead of killing *him* or *her*, not "it", everyone is happy, and the Vegan football star saves the day, they win the game, and everyone is happy.

It may have failed commercially, but isn't the idea of children growing up seeing cartoon Vegans on tv wonderful?  Aside from the fact many jokes were directed at them, many stereotypes about the unmanliness of Veganism, it really would be a whole new world, for everyone to know what the word Vegan meant.

To think that just five years ago, I'd never heard the term Vegan before, imagine knowing all about Vegans from age 5.  Imagine the progress of Veganism in the next 5 years, as we fit more and more respecting animals propaganda down unsuspecting childrens throats, fattening up their livers with Vegan goodness.

I wanted to include some Vegan friends on this episode, to share the message of optimism for a more respectful future.

Badge wearing member of the Invercargill Vegan Society, Geoff Chapman graciously sent in this clip

I'm optimistic about the future too Geoff, so long as the world doesn't end when the clock strikes 2012, I think we have a bright future ahead for Veganism.  Thank you so very much for helping me out with this episode, I really appreciate knowing you, and I hope you find many other Australian Vegans living near you soon.

Joining us from sunny old Ireland is Professor Roger Yates, who wrote this fantastic blog post back in June of this year

It was a lot more difficult to be Vegan in 1979 than 1989 (two years after Michael Jacksons masterpiece Bad, and myself were released, from the record company and his mothers womb respectively), easier still in the year we've heard so much about, Going Vegan like its 1999, party time, out of time - imagine the state of Veganism in 2019, thats a fun year to say aloud, 2019, we'll have flying cars and the iPhone 12, as a statistically much larger population of the world have decided to be Vegan.   Its easy if you try.

Thank you very much to Professor Roger Yates for his blog post, and for recording an audio version for this episode.  You can find Professor Yates at, I've linked to "Rotten to the Core" in my shownotes for this episode.  Thank you Professor Yates for being a Vegan inspiration for myself, and many others.

The final in this friend countdown is fellow Vegan living in the South Island of New Zealand, probably about two hours drive away from Invercargill, Carl Scott. 

Carl staged a protest about battery hen cages, having a month long protest in a cage he designed and made, I thanked Carl very much for using the word Vegan on live, national, prime time television, even if I didn't agree with what he said immediately after! :-)

I was lucky enough to meet Carl at the New Zealand National Animal Rights Conference 2011, held in that other silly island from us, the North Island.  We both risked our lives in a contraption called an "aeroplane", but we both miraculously survived flying at a few hundred kilometers an hour through the air.  

Myself and William Paul were lucky enough to join Deirdre Simms and Carl Scott for lunch.  It was great fun to talk with other Vegans about focusing on welfare reforms, and focusing on Veganism, we all got along very well, while we discussed the future of Veganism in New Zealand, and about how we would best get to a Vegan world.

Thank you very much to Carl for his time, it was great talking to you again Carl, on this, your favourite of all podcasts, and I hope we can both promote Veganism in the future together, whether with you living in Otago and myself in Southland, or better yet, if you come to your senses and move to Invercargill, Vegan Epicentre of the Southern Hemisphere.  

Thank you all very much for listening to Episode 70 of Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals, recorded on Happy December 25th Day, 2011.  With six days to go before the dreaded 2012 strikes our clocks, I wish you all the best, and I hope to be alive to record a 71st episode.

Thank you for listening to Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals.

You can find the script for this episode, as well as downloads for every episode of Coexisting With Nonhuman Animals at coexisting with nonhuman animals . co .nz

If you want to contact me, I'd really love to hear from YOU, please send me an email to

I'm also on Facebook and Twitter, Jordan Wyatt, W Y A T T

Thank you for listening.


2012 "Phenomenon"


"The Final Countdown", by Europe,
"Anthem For The Year 2000" by Silverchair
"2012 (it aint the end)" by Jay Sean
"We'll Meet Again", by Vera Lynn

Professor Roger Yates blogpost "Rotten to the Core"

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